On time
One truth that stands tall in front of me, this very minute of my life is this: It is as hard to be in control of your own schedule as it is to follow someone else’s. Despite my (over?)-confidence about my desire to make all my own decisions personally and professionally, I was not truly prepared for what it would be like to live it from one day to the next without short term looming deadlines, mandatory meetings and all the trappings of corporate life.
As a bit of background, I recently made the choice to leave a good job at a company I loved filled with people I loved working with to live a different kind of life, at least for a while. For as long as I can remember I have wanted to be a creative entrepreneur. I have wanted to make a living making things for people to enjoy. I have wanted to write. I have wanted to help people create living spaces that they love. I have wanted to spend time encouraging and inspiring people in whatever way I can. To date, I have done all of this on a small scale, for friends, for family, for myself. But something in my spirit has been pushing me toward NOW. There is much to be said about the regret of a creator who does not create. Mary Oliver names “the most regretful people on earth” who give neither “power nor time” to their creative calling. I have had enough of life as one of those regretful people.
“The most regretful people on earth are those who felt the call to creative work, who felt their own creative power restive and uprising, and gave to it neither power nor time.”
I feel blessed beyond measure to have the gift of a little time to see what will come of a concentrated effort creating something rather than side gigging in my tired spare moments. I know there are people who thrive in the marginal spaces, but for reasons I can’t entirely explain, I do not. I think this may be one of my slow lessons. I need pressure-free time to explore, to fail, to try again, to waste a little time, and to be ok with not having the route to my destination mapped out. Without that, everything goes on lock down. No creativity, no sense, no go.
So here I am. Now that I have some time, I am faced with an important personal challenge. To be smart with it. To play in it. To work in it. To allow myself to overwork sometimes and under-work others. To be accountable to myself and more importantly to God who called me here in the first place.
Here are a few things I have learned about time, most of them by failing miserably and some through wisdom that is not my own.
- Doing what you “want” in the moment is not always right for anyone, most of all, for yourself. But sometimes it is.
- Ask yourself how you will feel about it in a couple hours or even tomorrow? Is there value to be gained? A nap, for example. If you are physically tired and a nap will set you up for better times ahead and make you more productive or simply make you feel better – then by all means YES. If you have gotten into the habit of an afternoon siesta and have crafted a schedule around it, then YES! And how European of you. If you are avoiding something hard or confusing and a nap is your escape and avoidance tactic, then NO nap. Pray, breathe, center yourself, meditate, journal, walk, do a handstand but don’t escape. If you are bored (this can be a big one for me sometimes) then do anything to help engage your interest, shift your focus or sometimes just muster up some Midwestern work ethic and get through it, but don’t escape it. If there is value in getting through it or doing something, then you know (you always KNOW, actually) what to do.
- Ask yourself how you will feel about it in a couple hours or even tomorrow? Is there value to be gained? A nap, for example. If you are physically tired and a nap will set you up for better times ahead and make you more productive or simply make you feel better – then by all means YES. If you have gotten into the habit of an afternoon siesta and have crafted a schedule around it, then YES! And how European of you. If you are avoiding something hard or confusing and a nap is your escape and avoidance tactic, then NO nap. Pray, breathe, center yourself, meditate, journal, walk, do a handstand but don’t escape. If you are bored (this can be a big one for me sometimes) then do anything to help engage your interest, shift your focus or sometimes just muster up some Midwestern work ethic and get through it, but don’t escape it. If there is value in getting through it or doing something, then you know (you always KNOW, actually) what to do.
- You have to re-center, refocus and be reminded of your goals EVERY SINGLE DAY. When I don’t do this, it is almost a guarantee that the day will go belly up in the accomplishment department. I will struggle to concentrate. I will be unsure about what I should be doing. I will forget something important. And I will be much more likely to fall prey to any number of escape routes that present themselves over the course of a day. Some recent foibles include, but are not limited to: 4 straight episodes of The Marvelous Mrs. Maisel, mid-day runs to Target for “inspiration” twice in one week and shopping online for a dress for my brother’s wedding 4 months from now for an entire afternoon. These diversions might provide a little temporary fun/reprieve but I am not answering my calling. Re-centering and even setting specific goals for the day provide the clarity to keep me on track.
- Time is precious. My days slip away like a fog the same way they did when they belonged to someone else. When I look back over a day, I am often struck by how little good stuff it was filled with. There is simply no excuse in any situation not to find space for what is joyful, what builds you up, what is extraordinary to you. If I could create a universal list of the most important things to fill our days with no matter who we are or what our situation is it would be something like this:
- More of the people we love – so we can give and receive
- More nature – to ground and connect us
- More beauty – to feel awe, worship something bigger than you
- More air – breathe deep and often
You can fill in your own details and I will fill in mine. But you get the point. If the things that matter don’t feature in our lives on the daily, we are missing everything.
Truth is truth. I’m loving the lessons life is teaching me right now. The consistent theme in this lesson about time is: Quality. The quality of life we choose to live. We can be intentional and purposeful. Or not. Regardless, our time will be spent. So how much better for us to live with compassion, intention and joy?
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