I had an epiphany of sorts a few weeks ago. I have been in kind of a weird place somewhere between light usage of some gifts like creativity, empathy, the desire to give and help others and wondering what my purpose is, though feeling a little more at peace with things than I have in a long time. On a rare whim, I followed a link to a study plan that led me to a guided short prayer to ask God to show me how I can use my gifts to help others.
And one screeching halt, paradigm shattering, twinkly aha moment later I just said out loud “my gifts aren’t for me.” Like I was hearing it for the first time. Somewhere I have always known that to be true, this is obviously why gifts are all wrapped up in purpose, but still. Some things you know but you don’t get. At. All. And then in this random little prayer there it was. I have to admit that a big part of my desire to use my gifts is selfish. I just want to. I want to enjoy my time, feel inspired, get the joy rush of creative achievement, giving oh so selflessly (who, me? thank you for noticing!). And that’s totally ok, but the purpose, there’s that word again, is not for me. The purpose of my gifts is to benefit anyone but me. Always has been whether I saw it or not.
If this seems like no bigs to you, then maybe it just says a whole lot about my selfish nature. At some point in all our lives, I believe we lose sight of our purpose to and for each other. What would happen if I started praying for more gifts not for my own fun but for the sole purpose of benefitting other people? How would that change the answer to my prayer to help me find my purpose? How would it change yours?